The Seed of My Dysfunction

Dr. Ibarra told me that it was by strength alone that I had come this far. A weaker person would have given up and died. I didn’t feel that way at the time, but I chose to believe him because I needed too. My life depended on it. I clung to his words and elevated his voice above the repeated echoes of the dysfunctional childhood that supported my depression. My mother thought she was teaching us respect and humility but the constant admonitions to hide our light so that others could shine were instead lessons in self-destruction. She was unintentionally teaching us to not be great. This extreme deference to others translated into feelings of unworthiness.  How dare we express our talents when others were better suited or positioned to take center stage.  Not her children. Not us. Not me.